CELIASYG.
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HAZMI.
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IFAHSYG.
LINSYG.
ISABELSYG.
FATINSYG.
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NATSYG.
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YAYUSYG.
LUTFI
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Sunday, January 30, 2011
You got that something that keeps me so off balance.
Rainy saturday.Rainy sunday. Rainy monday? You think?
Chalet was boring with ridiculously dressed up people around. Why didn't she wear something elegant and more suitable for a party than a "too many ruffles" top and black blazer with 6 inch heels and high waisted jeans that she didn't even show. Why emphasise your round face by covering your neck and putting the spotlight on your ruffles making you look so breathless and tortured. People asked me if she was wearing two corsets. I don't even notice these things. -_- And why do they ask me why they wear what they wore? How the heck would I know..I've never known,even after all these years. And why stare at me and show me your face and attitude when I didn't even bother dressing up, just wearing what was sensible for the venue and the weather. And why did I have to even see them, especially that ex of yours?
I can't be bothered just because he's some big person outside ok. I'm very happy with my own life without his "rich and secure" presence around.thank you. :)
I guess I wasted a precious weekend. Bah. :S
And Sunday just rained by. yea, its already Monday morning.
Back to, Good morning teacher Narah. Good morning teacher princess.
Monday blues.
Maybe the arrival of my custom made king size macam paham bed would make the days pass faster. ;)
Looking forward baby.
Goodnights.
Chalet was boring with ridiculously dressed up people around. Why didn't she wear something elegant and more suitable for a party than a "too many ruffles" top and black blazer with 6 inch heels and high waisted jeans that she didn't even show. Why emphasise your round face by covering your neck and putting the spotlight on your ruffles making you look so breathless and tortured. People asked me if she was wearing two corsets. I don't even notice these things. -_- And why do they ask me why they wear what they wore? How the heck would I know..I've never known,even after all these years. And why stare at me and show me your face and attitude when I didn't even bother dressing up, just wearing what was sensible for the venue and the weather. And why did I have to even see them, especially that ex of yours?
I can't be bothered just because he's some big person outside ok. I'm very happy with my own life without his "rich and secure" presence around.thank you. :)
I guess I wasted a precious weekend. Bah. :S
And Sunday just rained by. yea, its already Monday morning.
Back to, Good morning teacher Narah. Good morning teacher princess.
Monday blues.
Maybe the arrival of my custom made king size macam paham bed would make the days pass faster. ;)
Looking forward baby.
Goodnights.
Friday, January 28, 2011
I really don't know what or how to feel anymore. Everytime I think of it, I get irritated, I get angry, I get defensive and I act hastily.
Forget it, I'm not bothered to even type out because I don't even want to think about it.
Bottom line, I really don't know how I'm supposed to feel. Maybe because I'm tired now.
I'm not looking forward to going out tmr. I feel like sleeping the whole day in. If people don't have time for others who make the effort to do things for them on their special day, why should other people bother to even set aside time to spend time with you? You prioritise friends or your girlfriend/s over more important people, then I don't even wish to make the effort to set aside time in my schedule to hang out together. Seriously.
And why do I even bother typing all this out, it all sounds so confusing. Fuck.
Show me. Just show me. That's all I need now. I need to know. I need to see it for myself. Because what I'm seeing now isn't giving me the right signs. It just makes me feel like dusting everything away.
& the ex said to me, I don't want to see you with another guy. -_-
Ok sure, I'll introduce you to my lesbian partner soon whenever we're free to meet ayts.
Forget it, I'm not bothered to even type out because I don't even want to think about it.
Bottom line, I really don't know how I'm supposed to feel. Maybe because I'm tired now.
I'm not looking forward to going out tmr. I feel like sleeping the whole day in. If people don't have time for others who make the effort to do things for them on their special day, why should other people bother to even set aside time to spend time with you? You prioritise friends or your girlfriend/s over more important people, then I don't even wish to make the effort to set aside time in my schedule to hang out together. Seriously.
And why do I even bother typing all this out, it all sounds so confusing. Fuck.
Show me. Just show me. That's all I need now. I need to know. I need to see it for myself. Because what I'm seeing now isn't giving me the right signs. It just makes me feel like dusting everything away.
& the ex said to me, I don't want to see you with another guy. -_-
Ok sure, I'll introduce you to my lesbian partner soon whenever we're free to meet ayts.
Thursday, January 27, 2011
I want a hug. Like one of those pick-me-up-off-my-feet-squeeze-me-tight-hurts-my-tummy-but-makes-me-smile-leaves-me-breathless-gives-me-so-many-butterflies-it-makes-me-laugh-kind of hug.
Come on, show them what you're worth~
First assessment. :S
Trying to look at all the negativity through a positive point of view.
I'm slowly analysing everything said and observed for ze lesson.
Alhamdullilah, passed though.
Was just really really put down by the negative comments.
But as usual, parents cheered me up. I want my children to have a father like my father. They'd be tough nuts to crack. I love them.
I'm just looking forward to slacking and slacking and sleeping this weekend. Starting on 2nd assessment prep next week on. Annnnd, we have the hols starting from Wednesday. :D :D :D
I counted out of curiosity, we have 28 days more to go through. It seems so short, in 28 days, I'll have to go through two more assessments, do a week of opening, a week of closing, make/get 3 other learning resources,plan 2 other lesson plans,take photos and compile the portfolio. Seems a lot. It is a lot right?
And thennnn we'll be back in school :)
Oh,thanks for being there when I needed someone to talk to,complain and share my unhappiness with. I just needed a listening ear. I appreciate the absence and understand your busy and tiring schedule. Hope facebook doesn't take too much of your time like I do.
Looking forward to meeting mates tmr. Time for some hugssssssss. :D
Goodnight~
Monday, January 24, 2011
I just wanna run into your arms right about now, yes, at this very moment.
Having second doubts about my lesson plan only at this moment. Im nuts.
I wish I had school people who've been through the exact same things as me to discuss it with instead of people who have had degrees in other countries trying to make me see reason behind their explanations. But still, better than nothing.
Urgh, just gonna go with ze gut feeling. And maybe a lil advice here and there.
You know how sometimes, you know you've done someone wrong, maybe by your actions, or how you spoke to the person etc. And you know you should do something about it at that moment to rectify everything and try to redeem yourself. And you know how sometimes, you just don't feel like dealing with it at that moment and choose to procrastinate and wait till the next day or maybe next hour to do anything about it.
I understand how it feels but I don't see myself doing that. Maybe not yet. Maybe I haven't been in that situation before, or maybe I have and I think whatever I'm doing is right because I choose to procrastinate for a good reason.At least that's what I think.
Does the person affected play a part in you procrastinating before rectifying your mistake?
Or does the severity of your actions weigh more?
But however you look at it, if you're at the receiving end, an apology from the person would without a doubt soften your heart, just a little. Maybe not to the extend where you can start talking and sharing and making up, but it just affects your following reaction AFTER the apology..right?
Good thing or bad? I can't decide. But it has its pros and cons.
Being so skeptical, I have the tendency to not give in to much in case anything like that happens again. Basic human nature, you'd obviously be wary of your actions, your limitations with that person, how much you can give,how much you can take and all that. But to think through every single thing you say and do is torturous. It can get sucky. I should just be myself right?
Right.
I'm done with thinking for the day. Just in time for bed.
Goodnight. :)
I wish I had school people who've been through the exact same things as me to discuss it with instead of people who have had degrees in other countries trying to make me see reason behind their explanations. But still, better than nothing.
Urgh, just gonna go with ze gut feeling. And maybe a lil advice here and there.
You know how sometimes, you know you've done someone wrong, maybe by your actions, or how you spoke to the person etc. And you know you should do something about it at that moment to rectify everything and try to redeem yourself. And you know how sometimes, you just don't feel like dealing with it at that moment and choose to procrastinate and wait till the next day or maybe next hour to do anything about it.
I understand how it feels but I don't see myself doing that. Maybe not yet. Maybe I haven't been in that situation before, or maybe I have and I think whatever I'm doing is right because I choose to procrastinate for a good reason.At least that's what I think.
Does the person affected play a part in you procrastinating before rectifying your mistake?
Or does the severity of your actions weigh more?
But however you look at it, if you're at the receiving end, an apology from the person would without a doubt soften your heart, just a little. Maybe not to the extend where you can start talking and sharing and making up, but it just affects your following reaction AFTER the apology..right?
Good thing or bad? I can't decide. But it has its pros and cons.
Being so skeptical, I have the tendency to not give in to much in case anything like that happens again. Basic human nature, you'd obviously be wary of your actions, your limitations with that person, how much you can give,how much you can take and all that. But to think through every single thing you say and do is torturous. It can get sucky. I should just be myself right?
Right.
I'm done with thinking for the day. Just in time for bed.
Goodnight. :)
Sunday, January 23, 2011
Let's go, kitty cat.
Ranted everything out to sis earlier and I feel so much better. At least now I know its not me being egoistic or expecting too much. All these things I'm irked about it the basics. If even this has to be asked, then there is definitely something wrong here. I shouldn't be wasting my energy thinking about this and feeling anything. If you can be that insensitive, I can be worse. Sometimes, listening to other people and thinking and correcting the negative chracteristics in yourself can allow people around you to take advantage of you. I'm not naturally nice and I don't only have you that I can count on. I'm a lucky girl surrounded by people who loves and cares. I have fabulous friends and families I can count on and whom I'd be more willing to spend time on. Don't let the egoistic side come out too often, it wouldn't be peaches and honey after that.
We used to talk for hours,until the night was through. But recently your ego,is going through the roof. You're too comfortable. You think because you bagged me, you don't have to work at all.You underestimated. Simple.
We used to talk for hours,until the night was through. But recently your ego,is going through the roof. You're too comfortable. You think because you bagged me, you don't have to work at all.You underestimated. Simple.
Thursday, January 20, 2011
Almost had a breakdown.
My presence there shouldn't be affecting anyone, not any of you. I'm just the fucking temp. I'm not even a temp, I'm just an observer and assistant.
Getting used to my presence would only make it sucky for you in the end because I'm not coming back even if I had the chance to, most probably.
Urgh. Thank you TC. You're the only one who realllllly understands. I feel like you're some godmother or smtn. Seriously.
And I have a feeling, all this midnight snacks of mine is affecting my body. :S
Goodnight.
My presence there shouldn't be affecting anyone, not any of you. I'm just the fucking temp. I'm not even a temp, I'm just an observer and assistant.
Getting used to my presence would only make it sucky for you in the end because I'm not coming back even if I had the chance to, most probably.
Urgh. Thank you TC. You're the only one who realllllly understands. I feel like you're some godmother or smtn. Seriously.
And I have a feeling, all this midnight snacks of mine is affecting my body. :S
Goodnight.
Saturday, January 15, 2011
I whipped my hair. Yes, I did whip my hair.
I miss my friends.
All of them from wherever.
Baah.
And I miss doing work with the three of them. All the songs, the laughters,the food, the lameness, the bimboness.
Can't wait for 9th of March.
Let's do it people, we've survived the first week.
I barely survived cos I'm down with a horrible flu now.
A ghra. A ghmain.
No goodnights.
All of them from wherever.
Baah.
And I miss doing work with the three of them. All the songs, the laughters,the food, the lameness, the bimboness.
Can't wait for 9th of March.
Let's do it people, we've survived the first week.
I barely survived cos I'm down with a horrible flu now.
A ghra. A ghmain.
No goodnights.
Thursday, January 13, 2011
Love pushing his buttons.
I want the bed now.
Goodnight :)
I want the bed now.
Goodnight :)
Tuesday, January 11, 2011
Did that incident really just happen?
It feels so unreal and so unpredictable and so shocking.
But it has already happened. And I'm glad it did. :)
Update more on attachment soon.
Goodnights.
It feels so unreal and so unpredictable and so shocking.
But it has already happened. And I'm glad it did. :)
Update more on attachment soon.
Goodnights.
Saturday, January 8, 2011
I really wanna see if you can go downtown with a girl like me.
Finally done everything I think is necessary before going for attachment. Just doing that for two days already can make me go urrrrrrgggggggggh. How to survive 2 months? And I already have sinus attacks here and there. What would happen once I dig out all the appropriate attires for attachment that is buried deep deep deep in my closet?
Mati uh.
Looking forward to relaxing the last remaining day I have left and gathering everything together for ze first impression. Hopefully all goes well. Insyallah.
Early start tomorrow and I still don't know if I should include you in my plans or just plan my day without you in it. You're just surprising like that and everytime I get angry with you over these kinda things, you just have that way to appease everything and that calm vibe. Pakai jampi eh. haha.
Anyways,if this is how you want things to be, so be it. Just know that things won't turn out exactly how you want it to be all the time. Let's see starting next week how you're going to continue this. :)
My phone miraculously has survived its poor drowning session the other day. The touch screen can work already :) Alhamdullilah. I hope it stays that way. I love you phone. I really do even though you don't have the snake game. Heh.
I think I'll have an early night. See, I'm already excluding you. Bah.
Toodles.
Mati uh.
Looking forward to relaxing the last remaining day I have left and gathering everything together for ze first impression. Hopefully all goes well. Insyallah.
Early start tomorrow and I still don't know if I should include you in my plans or just plan my day without you in it. You're just surprising like that and everytime I get angry with you over these kinda things, you just have that way to appease everything and that calm vibe. Pakai jampi eh. haha.
Anyways,if this is how you want things to be, so be it. Just know that things won't turn out exactly how you want it to be all the time. Let's see starting next week how you're going to continue this. :)
My phone miraculously has survived its poor drowning session the other day. The touch screen can work already :) Alhamdullilah. I hope it stays that way. I love you phone. I really do even though you don't have the snake game. Heh.
I think I'll have an early night. See, I'm already excluding you. Bah.
Toodles.
Tuesday, January 4, 2011
Few days to attachment and I am trying my best to laze around and have an unproductive week. :)
Its irritating how I'm falling everytime I go and skate lately. :(
Just had another fall yesterday and though it wasn't as bad as the 'slope' fall, it hurts. haha.
Still does.
Probably gonna have a lazy day today, lying around and finish whatever prep work required :( If I ever get around to doing it.
And you know how silly horoscopes can sound at times? Especially with couple compatibility and all. I've always thought about it that way, but try looking at it with a more open mind. Surprisingly, sometimes, your strong characteristics really reflects upon your horoscope.
Oh,I don't know. I guess one of my girlfriend's talk about horoscopes and all has been weighing in my head.
How does someone differentiate between the whispers of the heart and the mind? The heart is supposed to be impractical and about fantasies. And the mind is supposed to be practical, realistic and sometimes, harsh.
Then how would you differentiate between the impractical and the practical?
The fantasies and the reality?
I'm still trying to figure it out. Takes time I guess.
Let's see how it goes with you.
Toodles.
Its irritating how I'm falling everytime I go and skate lately. :(
Just had another fall yesterday and though it wasn't as bad as the 'slope' fall, it hurts. haha.
Still does.
Probably gonna have a lazy day today, lying around and finish whatever prep work required :( If I ever get around to doing it.
And you know how silly horoscopes can sound at times? Especially with couple compatibility and all. I've always thought about it that way, but try looking at it with a more open mind. Surprisingly, sometimes, your strong characteristics really reflects upon your horoscope.
Oh,I don't know. I guess one of my girlfriend's talk about horoscopes and all has been weighing in my head.
How does someone differentiate between the whispers of the heart and the mind? The heart is supposed to be impractical and about fantasies. And the mind is supposed to be practical, realistic and sometimes, harsh.
Then how would you differentiate between the impractical and the practical?
The fantasies and the reality?
I'm still trying to figure it out. Takes time I guess.
Let's see how it goes with you.
Toodles.
Saturday, January 1, 2011
Doesn't feel like a new year?
I'm so full of thoughts right now, I think my mind can explode.
Ok,that may be an exaggeration. But you don't make me think about silly things at this time of the night and expect me to go and sleep.
Ass.
You're manipulating me and I don't know how you do it but you are. I need to get rid of all these frustrations and accusations in my mind.
Look for me like how I was and handle all those questions in your head when you can't find me. :)
Never worked well with compromising. Either I learn slowly, or I just give it up. Don't do this and make me give up on this whole thing altogether. It wouldn't be nice, it wouldn't be fair.
Busy, yes. I get it. I tried to understand, I am understanding it now. But don't give me the impression that you expect me to be free when you are and entertain you with a smiley face and bubbly personality just because you have the time to turn your head in my direction.
On a lighter note, I'm feeling guilty at all the shopping I've done.
Yet I feel good.
I'm very definitely a female & I enjoy it.
Toodles.
Ok,that may be an exaggeration. But you don't make me think about silly things at this time of the night and expect me to go and sleep.
Ass.
You're manipulating me and I don't know how you do it but you are. I need to get rid of all these frustrations and accusations in my mind.
Look for me like how I was and handle all those questions in your head when you can't find me. :)
Never worked well with compromising. Either I learn slowly, or I just give it up. Don't do this and make me give up on this whole thing altogether. It wouldn't be nice, it wouldn't be fair.
Busy, yes. I get it. I tried to understand, I am understanding it now. But don't give me the impression that you expect me to be free when you are and entertain you with a smiley face and bubbly personality just because you have the time to turn your head in my direction.
On a lighter note, I'm feeling guilty at all the shopping I've done.
Yet I feel good.
I'm very definitely a female & I enjoy it.
Toodles.