When you've just broken up from a relationship, you tend to feel a sense of longing and missing when you see couples outside, holding hands, joking around and just talking to each other. But sooner or later, you'll get past feeling that way. You would see them and either think,
1. "Hey, I have options available to me. I no longer think about what might have been if I was still in my past relationship. One day,I'd be as happy as them."

2. "Urgh,thank god I'm not in a relationship like they are. Beneath their laughters and mushy stuffs, there would be problems, misunderstandings, compromising and lots more."

In my past relationships, I always thought of option number 1. I thought that if I were to get attached to you,I'd be lucky and happy. You took up the majority of my secondary school days. You took up at least 85% of my thoughts everyday. But now, after all that has happened, I think I'm for option number 2. I always think to myself, "Why should I put myself in a relationship and go through tears and laughters together with one person? Why should I submit myself to stress, sadness and frustrations because of one thing or another? Why should I have someone to message or call at least once everyday? And why should I set aside time to meet that one person more than once a week probably? Most importantly, why should I have only one special person in my life that I enjoy with,spend time with, cry with, fight with and complain with? Is it really necessary at the age that I am in now? I could (if i wished hard enough) have a vast number of male companions to complain to, flirt with, go out with, joke around with and just slack with if I wasn't tied down with someone. I can't possibly imagine myself doing all this if I am in a relationship with someone. I mean, get real, which boyfriend or girlfriend would be happy about that? I don't get why it has to be this way, but I suspect it has got a lot to do with jealousy. Then again, I don't think (at least I hope not) that everyone is like that. There's bound to be mature and realistic people out there who isn't just interested in physical beauty, a girl's curves, how far they can get with that girl/guy and all the other lusty and superficial things that is common in relationships. I'm sure that there are guys out there who enjoy having a date with his girl and just talk/debate/discuss about anything under the sun. I'd definitely appreciate someone like that.

Thing is, all I have now is care and concern. I feel a pinch when I hear that you've been through this and that. The pain comes when I realise that I wasn't there for you when this things happened. I wasn't there for you to complain to. I must have gotten used to you telling me everything. And now about this airshow, I felt the pain again and I felt like crying because you remembered how interested I was to go even though this "airshow conversation" took place back in 2008. To go on your behalf? That just makes it a whole lot harder. If not for the current situations, I'm sure you would have been there too. I'm sorry if you're still having different feelings. I don't even know what I'm feeling. Its like my emotions just shut down whenever I think about this long enough. If its denial on my part, I wish it would go away.

I love you, as my most special person that I'll ever have.
Take care.


toodles.
XOXO.

5:19 AM ·