& That's What Makes My Life So Fucking Fantastic~

If.

2011-08-19T08:20:00.001-07:00

I admitted, would it be like before?
I face you, would it be like the scene in my head?
I turned back, would it have been different?
I grabbed your hand that night, would it be like this now?
I leaned on you for forty winks, would it be cherished?

They can take away what we planned but not our yesterday.

Why do we have to grow up?

2011-07-11T10:22:00.001-07:00

All of a sudden, I miss my ITE days.
Reaching school at 8 and going to the canteen to get breakfast because we have a 15 minutes grace period.
Messing around with not so important yet important modules and pissing lecturers off.
Doing stupid things with the girls on the last floor of the block and ending up with dearest Edmund. And it wasn't the last time either we ended up with him. :)
Wearing the lanyard & making a fuss about friends who thinks wearing the lanyard is a big fussy thing :)
Walking around aimlessly in school & going to the furthest toilet just to waste time away.
Getting locked out of classes because I came late.
Running around the dreaded school carpark & jogging track at the back.
Getting stressed up over projects with impossible deadlines.
Getting stressed up about bitches in class. Actually, that's only one bitch we're talking about.
Laughing about this person and that person.
Having all the nicknames for all our eye candies. I miss seeing Dinosaur :(
Dressing up for Halloween.
Dressing up for dances.
Dressing up for art exhibitions.
Acting out stories.
Telling stories.
Making puppets.
Setting up learning corners.
Having our own "stomp" performance with pails.
Camping out in school.
Puffing in school because the security guard is snoring his ass off.
Puffing outside the school gate and getting sabotaged by jealous people.
Getting sent out of school camp.
I still laugh at the memory of that one.

And the people I've met here...
This two years doesn't seem so wasted after all.
If you look at it from one perspective.

I wanna go back to those days. Badly.

If.

2011-07-05T08:32:00.000-07:00

If you just realise what I just realise, we'd never have to wonder if we missed out on each other.
But its not the same, it'll never be the same, if you don't feel it too.

I feel like I'm being bombarded with so much of negativity, I could just curl up and cry.
Ever thankful for people who cares to listen and be there. I really am.

And I just realised there are far more bigger things that can determine your happiness than the normal issues we usually think plays a major part in our everyday lives.

But if I had a wish, I'd wish I could rewind everything & realise it sooner instead of now, when it kinda seems too late.
I wish I could hold on tightly to the ones who were there in front of me instead of doing the opposite.

These are all wishes.
Reality check.
It takes two hands to clap.
It takes realisation to hit the spot.

Goodnight.

2011-06-26T09:39:00.000-07:00

Okay, I got it about the priority and option shit I always read about.
I just didn't know I'll be facing it.
The feeling sucks.
Maybe I deserve it or maybe its just not meant to be that way.
Fuck it.

Spend my nights with you please.

2011-06-25T10:14:00.000-07:00

To care is important.
It makes a difference in the importance of an individual in one's life.
There are those who care, and are valued,
And there are those who never seem to care, and are just not important to someone.

I care about some people, but I find it difficult to care about those who do not care about themselves or me.
I'm only human.

Stains on the cheek.

2011-06-24T07:39:00.000-07:00

Seems like the week will get worse as time goes by.
I'm most affected by today. Yes, I'm a selfish and self centered girl who is such a disappointment.
Maybe nothing I do will ever be enough.
Then maybe I just don't want to give a fuck anymore.

And the biggest disappointment is knowing the one I counted on to be there is no longer there.
Human nature to depend on others without realising it. Its noone's fault really.
It just happens.

2011-06-13T10:16:00.000-07:00

Bloody hell.
Some people need to understand where they're coming from and where they stand in the society before thinking they can so easily judge others.

Don't get into my personal thoughts and question them.

We can live like Jack & Sally if we want.

2011-06-13T09:43:00.000-07:00

You can always find me.
We'll have Halloween.
And in the night, we'll wish this never ends.
The smiles, the laughters. The fighting, the fussing.
We'll wish things were not this way.
I wish we had another time.
I thought the end was before this. I didn't realise it'll be now.

Its all fun and games right.
:)

You're very much missed.

There will always be that bitch/bitches somewhere in your life. If there isn't then maybe its you :)

2011-05-16T09:04:00.001-07:00

Anger is such a scary emotion.
It blinds everything and your object of hatred becomes someone that you don't even know, just hate.
And your actions are that of another's.
And the words you speak are that of another's.
Why do we have to feel anger when its such a scary emotion?

Why the hell am I talking about anger.
I'm a happy happy girl.
:)
When I'm not angry.

Heeeeee.

Feels like there's no getting through to you.

2011-05-15T08:21:00.000-07:00

Sometimes, it feels like you're just an extra part of my life that's supposed to important.
But you're not. Or at least you don't make yourself that much of an importance to me because you'll always have better things to do.
I did have better things to do than to wait for you.
And now I think I will start finding for better things to do than to wait.
Other people know me better than you ever will.
Maybe not my temper.
But the personal things, my fears, my tears, my laughs, my smiles, my frustrations,my opinions.
Yea, other people, I can name a few, will know me better than you ever will.
There's supposed to be more to this. But if this is what you're willing to give, than I shouldn't be too eager to take what little you have to give.
There will always be that point of time when you just want to fuck it.
Fuck all the reasons.
and all the apologises.
and the same old cycle.
And I've reached that point.

2011-05-14T09:03:00.000-07:00

Jihad is not a holy war. Where's that in the worship? -Lupe Fiasco.
Words I Never Said.
:)
Spot on.

Happy mommies day.

2011-05-07T22:51:00.000-07:00

When you do not show thanks to the most important woman in your life,
When you choose to spend time with your friends,
When you think she should know you love her no matter what,
When you believe that this is a commercialised day that is over rated and fake,
and when you do not do anything at all.

But when you'd rather plan an elaborate surprise for your girlfriend,
when you'd rather spend time discussing with your buds about the perfect gift for your anniversary.
When you'd make sure she knows you're there every day and night for her.
When you carefully plan a perfect date and the wonderful places you can bring her to.
That's when you should know there's something wrong with you.

Nuff said.

Why no love?

2011-04-12T10:23:00.000-07:00

And have you noticed how much of hate there is in the world nowadays? People hating here and there. Hating muslims.And its not just a small part, it seems global. The world seems to have come together to hate anything that's got to do with this religion.
Bloody terrorists hating people of other races, or what they've termed as "infidels". So now, everyone hates muslims because it seems like we hate these "infidels" and plan on getting rid of each and every one of them from the world. I've always wondered what they actually wanted to achieve by doing all these bombings and making meaningless accusations to the rest of the world. Aren't they making the people of their religion, their so called "brothers and sisters" live in a harder way? Getting ostracized, humiliated and insulted from the world? Why create a meaningless and unnecessary chaotic environment for Muslims when we have already begun to live in peace with one another since the prophet's time? Wasn't the struggles our ancestors went through to spread the religion difficult enough? Wasn't there enough blood shed and torture went through? So when the water's finally calm, why start a one sided fight once again? I wish I can meet these people and talk to them. I have so many questions in my head for them. I hate them, I hate their attitude and narrow minded way of thinking. I hate the way they twist the words from the Quran and claim that we should get rid of "infidels". I hate the way they poison the minds of young boys who could have had bright futures but are instead holding guns and being suicide bombers. There's no doubt about how I feel about these kind of ugly people. Yet I wish to meet them. Don't you? Curious.

And then comes the people who hate the whole religion and people of these religion because of these animals I mentioned above. Why don't they understand how different the two groups of people are? Why hate the whole religion when only a small amount of people are the extremists? Why hate on the innocents outside who are just following the religion they believe in and love and what their ancestors believed in for generations. Everyone has their own views on the world. Either you believe in God or you don't. So why not treat a muslim in that way, "He/she is just another person in the world who believes in islam and its teachings." Done, right?

I've been given an evil look by a Caucasion in the mrt once because I told her I'm a muslim. No joke. She moved away from me and alighted at the next station.
This lady came up to me out of nowhere and asked me if I knew Mother Mary existed and if I believed in her. I told her I'm a muslim. And then that happened.
Jeez.

I may not be a perfect muslim but I still am one. Of course I'll be curious to get into the minds of these haters.

Sometimes, even though we're in the age where technology has advanced so much since the past, the minds of human beings are still as narrow and old as the dinosaur age.

Goodnight.

I bet you wake up in the morning & you kiss yourself.

2011-04-12T09:46:00.000-07:00

Its so easy to feel disappointed.
So easy to feel like everything's going the wrong way and everything's gone.

Its so easy to find the fault in others.
Easier to see the faults of people we love rather than look in the mirror to see the fault of our reflections.

Negativity is so easy to come by.

I need positive vibes nownownow. I need "spontaneous,let's go now!" attitude.
All I'm getting now is "there's always tmrw."

Its just me. I have a problem with myself. I need a doctorrrrrr.

I miss playing snake on hp.
Baah.

2011-03-29T11:06:00.000-07:00

I think there's something wrong with me.
They seem to think so. I can't obviously see if there's any change. Maybe not yet.
Maybe I should wait and see.
That's a lot of waiting I've been doing.

Busybusybusy this week. Finally.

Toodles.

2011-03-28T09:42:00.001-07:00

I'm getting tired of it. Fucking tired.
Bloody hell.

Pieces of me.

2011-03-23T09:19:00.000-07:00

A friend of mine never fails to amaze me with his resilience and willpower.
Sometimes, when little unfortunate incidents occur in our lives, we get worked up over it and create a huge fuss on how unfair life is treating us and how everyone else always has it easier and never has to go through this shit we're going through. I don't have to point fingers at anyone, personally, even I need reminders every now and then about this. Yes, at times I do feel like life's unfair and everyone else is living so happily. But I still need to be reminded of the fact that not everyone is this way. If I'm in this position, there'll always be someone lower, who's going through a lot more shit than I am and still not complaining. We tend be unappreciative of the things we have in life and take it for granted because we know it'll always be there. I'm guilty of that. I know a lot of people guilty of that. And maybe its just us humans. We just have that set of mentality.
And my friend, always coming and going, never fails to impress me with this. Make me sit back and think for a moment. How can someone go through so much and still wish to try to make things better for himself? Where does all that determination come from? Granted, I cannot judge him fully because I'm unaware of his flaws. Or maybe I'm just overlooking any flaws because at least, he's making something work in his life despite everything around him.
This is random, but talking to him always makes me think. Seriously. haha.

And red is in now.

Goodnight :)

Take your shirt off.

2011-03-22T02:26:00.000-07:00

I don't understand my mind.
Do you understand yours?
Thought about it before?

Irrational, hasty, negative. Is that just one part of the whole thing? So many things in my head. And I have at least one negative opinion about one of it.
I think I'm a difficult girl. I don't think, I know.
:S
And someone's always there, random or not, to give the reassurance and open up a different view on the situation. How long more do I have to rely on these.
Guess I'm still learning. And the people here who gets the trash whilst I'm learning just bears with it, or takes it in stride. Loved.

The best part about that night, just having you close and the silence. That's the best.

Talk about someone who "never" sleeps outside. Pfffffft. XD

Gotta get up and gogogogogogogo. I'm always holding back even when I want to do so many things. Its annoying. The word 'lazy' is a big part of my life now. Sadly.
Baah.

Just like the nose, stomachs can have flu too.

2011-03-14T04:04:00.000-07:00

This is not how I intended to spend my holidays.
I've thrown up so many times, she told me I look so calm when I threw up last night. Yea, I'm used to my stomach rejecting food. I just hate the throwing up part.
I've got a reason to take my time with smaller portions of food if I intend to keep the food in my stomach longer.
Haha.
I can't wait to feel better and go out with everyone. I don't think I'll be able to spend two weeks not eating properly :(
At times when I feel better, I remember that doctor saying that even though I feel like I've fully recovered, I will still be down with this stomach flu. :(
Did I mention I've lost 2kgs in about 1 and a half day?

I don't want this to drag, I wanna go out and eat normally.
Baah.

Jet it now.

2011-03-11T02:04:00.000-08:00

You told me if I beat the high score, I'll have a chance. And I did, so that's how it started.
To remember the exact words and the situation, its totally unexpected of you. Made me smile in the dark at that hour.
Then came that silly dream. It isn't you, I don't believe it, I won't actually. The reality is what matters.

I still wonder what my favourite children are up to in school. I miss the hugs and kisses from them. I miss hugging and kissing them. I miss their stinky and sweet smell. I miss the colleagues. I miss the aunty.

It maybe part of a memory now, a good and bad one. Let's just see what the future holds.
Had a gooood time with all of them at school. Missed them all.

Now, who's up for some shopping, picnic and photo takings?
:D

Now I've got me, myself and I.

2011-03-02T08:48:00.000-08:00

I don't like feeling irritated before going to bed.
:(

I already am and then another thing comes up.
What's up with Singaporeans speaking English in an American/British accent?
Is that their definition of good english? Do they actually think they are pronouncing and enunciating every word perfectly by speaking with an accent?
Initially, I assumed it was just some of these silly boys and girls who think its cool to talk this way up on Youtube.
But I'm hearing it more often nowadays and it irks the heck outta me. I'm sure I'm not the only one who feels this way.

These people need help. Please go for some "Speak good English" course. Seriously. Yea, we're Singaporeans, its obvious enough, Singlish is expected to come out of our mouths. But you can choose whether or not you wish to structure your sentences and words properly. You don't have to speak with an accent to show people you can speak English fluently.
Damn.

And I can't be bothered. Its frustrating you know. Just less than 5 mins.
Now, I'd be more worried if my friend doesn't text me for a day instead. Same ol?
Crap.

The only thing I'm happy about, I'm gonna have someone to annoy again everyday at home. Glad that annoying & childish brother of mine is coming back daily. :D Maybe I spoke too soon.

Morning~

Sometimes, there is so much we feel but so little we can say.

2011-02-26T04:10:00.000-08:00

Finally convinced dad to repair the sewing machine at home. I wanna do alterations and all that soon2 since I'm going to have the timeeeee :D

And he's asking me to make use of the oven at home and start baking. Heh. I ask him to buy everything but I need the time you see. Its not that I'm lazy. haha. I think.

Blissful Saturday spent at home because of throat and fever and headache and flu. I guess Celest is going to screw me on Monday for missing Irene's party. haha. Still, sleeping was gooooooood. But now, I feel like having Hershey's Sundae pie from BK. I think I also just want to go out, catch a movie or just eat. Eat Hershey's Sundae pie also. I want to feel worry-free, like I know I don't have much to do when I get home after I've spent the whole day outside. You know?

I also miss the 3 of them. And some of the rest. Guess we'll be seeing each other soon enough. :D

Let's go swimming as well.

Toodles.

There's about to be a BitchFit.

2011-02-23T08:47:00.000-08:00

Last I remember, it was the 4th of February.
And now, 23rd, its here again. Same month.

Bitchfits. Mood swings. Pain. Smoking. Pain. Sleep.
Baah.

And I think I'm going to vent it on you,just not yet. I'm just being very particular about everything you do or say. Maybe because I know that you know and I know you'd understand. I'm so mean.

Almost fought with a fellow teacher earlier. Maybe its my period, or maybe Durga's 'stand up for your rights' , 'fight for your say' and spontaneous attitude has rubbed off me a lil. Too bad I couldn't get a word in because it will seem as if we're ganging up on her.
Ass.Why become an early childhood educator when you don't have the heart?

Working and schooling life is totally different. I cannot stand people who come up to me comparing and asking me this and that. Yes, I know my centre is within my area. I know its at most probably 40 minutes away. I know that. But my whole nine hours there isn't just sitting around, sleeping, listening to my teacher talk or taking down notes. Its moving around,establishing human contact, packing, cleaning, paperwork, artwork. I don't have to tell whatever I do there. I don't see the need to tell everyone what I do everyday and expect people to symphatise with me. I can accept the fact that this is just the way it goes. At the end of the day, I feel tired, I don't go around complaining about this and that, expecting them to listen and make everyone around me think like I'm the only one who has a freaking job in the house. I mind my own business and rest. I get up and do what is expected of me. I don't use work as an excuse to neglect anything or whatsoever. So I wonder what freaking rights you think you have to compare us. You and me, we're totally living differently. Don't give us the bullshit about school being far and how tiring it is. I've been living that way and its only changed temporarily now. You had your chance, you screwed up. Where you are now, whatever long way you have to take now is all because of your own stupidity and immaturity in the past. Your self centered attitude and how you think everyone always has it easier than you ever will. You had it the easy way, everyone was happy, but you went and screwed up. You think you're being mature about it by correcting your mistakes now and saying you accept whatever that has happened. But maturity isn't about just saying "I've grown mature over the years". Its about the mind, its the way you think. You don't just say you're matured now and can think responsibly for the sake of saying it because it sounds pleasing to the ears. You don't assume you're matured and people should trust you just because your age has increased. Its all in the mind. Its in the way you think and its when you stop thinking the world revolves around you. It revolves around the Sun,right? Seriously.

When that day comes... insyallah.

Morning~

No expectations means no disappointments :)

2011-02-18T07:30:00.000-08:00

I was telling her yesterday, how weird everything is.
I just woke up one morning on the way to work and let all my expectations go.
I didn't want to think about why. I didn't want to think about what. I didn't want to expect anything. And I feel so much lighter.
So, thanks for taking the effort again.

And I'm thankful for you. Always being there. Some things happen for a reason. I'm not going to listen or let what anyone say influence whatever impression I have on you. :)

Now,I don't know what I wanna talk about but I wanna talk to you. Baah.

Cutting and pasting resources. I'm not in the mood for 3rd assessment. I don't wish to feel demoralised. I guess that's the reason why I'm doing last minute prep works.
Oh well~

After Monday, I'm gonna party everyday after work.

Ok, probably not everyday. :D

No goodnights, just mornings!

Not really counting down but still kinda counting down.

2011-02-15T07:53:00.000-08:00

Heh.
Only few more weeks left. 3?
Hee.
Excluding this week, 13 days?

I've been taking everything in stride but just don't make me feel so useless. I know I'm just an intern, learning, but you don't have to give it to me in my face. I've had enough trying to subconsciously reason out the way you behave, coming anytime to work, always rushing here and there, not even doing your job properly,forgetting every single detail. But you still think you're all that so who am I to comment. I'll just maintain a cold working relationship. No point getting chummy here.
You just spoiled my good day.

Anywayssssssss, it doesn't really affect me that much since you're pretty insignificant. :)

Have yet to do preps for third assessment. Not looking forward to it but I want to get it over and done with. Hopefully now, me and the children have a closer bond, if not, better than previously. Starting to love all the "I love you Teacher Narah" I get everyday. And the "throw my arms and fling my body towards you" kinda hugs. You know, those kinda hugs? :)

But I don't really appreciate the coughing in the face. I'm sick already. Baah.

Goodnight again.
:)

You are the perfect distraction~

2011-02-05T07:23:00.000-08:00

I should be starting on my resources.
But I haven't. Heh.
Maybe if I can't sleep tonight, it'll be spent wisely.

Gotta start on the preparation of juices tmr. Hope everything goes well on Tuesday :)
Somehow I haven't really felt nervous or scared for the second assessment. Maybe because I've yet to really sit down and think. Haha.Reflective journal is also due. Baah. Where the CNY holidays go to? Fuckity fuck.

Oh by the way, your facebook contacts must really appreciate your updates yea. Go ahead, noone's stopping you from that.
It definitely will not be me.

Get your freakum dress on.

2011-02-04T10:52:00.000-08:00

Cause when he acts up, that's when you put it on~

I wonder.
Let's just enjoy my weekend without any more wonderings :D
My mind's tired of wondering and wandering.
There is a difference right.

Goodnight.

Rough lover

2011-02-03T09:06:00.001-08:00

Supposed to be doing up resources now. I guess I'm still in holiday mood. Heck,I should be in holidays mood. It is the freaking holidays right. Right.
Watching some ghost movie with mommy now and I feel like having ice cream. I haven't been watching whatever I'm eating this past few days. And in this week,I've eaten meals at three fast food restaurants, Mac, KFC and Burger King,all of it within a span of days. And many2 hershey sundae pies. haha.
And everyone who knows are all cursing me saying I'll grow fat like a burger.
BAH. -_-

I've got too much alone time on my hands and during these times, I wonder a lot. I think a lot. I analyse situations a lot. I rationalise my own theories for certain situations. And sometimes, I don't like the outcomes of certain rationalisations that I think of.
What was I thinking when I made that decision? I'm wondering about that. Is it because I was just looking at the pros of the situation? So am I just supposed to just take the cons of the situations with a pinch of salt? Nothing is perfect right? If time will tell, then how long do I have to wait till I see something? I hate the silent moments. At the same time, I don't want to be thinking too much when its not needed.
I'm just confused now. Maybe I should just let it go and take it as it is. One day at a time.

Goodnight.

I wish I could slap RESPECT on your cheeks.

2011-02-02T04:31:00.000-08:00

I'm so angry, I can cry.
Whatever fuck is going on here, I really don't understand.
This is a blog entry I would really want these people to read. They'll hate me for it, but at least start thinking for once. Hopefully.

Actions and words can really hurt someone. Especially older people. Not just any random older people outside, I'm not referring to the uncle who stays at your block nor am I referring to your teacher. I'm not referring to the aunty who works at the same place you do nor am I referring to that particular makcik you see everyday. This is much more than that. Actually, however you act, whatever you say, it is all based on your parent's upbringing. You claim you love your parents? Then why act in such a disgusting and disrespectful way that can only reflect badly on your own parents? If you think you have your parent's support in whatever immature way you behave then congrats, your whole family will be applauded for being so united and rude to everyone else.
I really don't understand.

RESPECT.

For someone like you who is practically a nobody in the society now, you sure as hell demand a truck load of respect from other people, older or younger than you. I can only think of one reason why you expect people to respect you. Because you think you're a successful individual who has everything in her life.
Define "has everything" in the society today. My opinion of that would be,
Certs.
A successful and secure career.
A stable income.
This is just the needs. I'm not getting into the relationship parts because we all know that. So which one of that do you have again? Can you try showing anyone of us?
Or are you just a temp staff at some retail store earning money that is enough for your silly shoppings and serving your boyfriends.

And to the older ones who have grown so big in their heads to even show the most simplest form of respect to elders. Oh yea, you boys are way older than I am but the way you carry yourself? The way you behave towards people older than you? Even the 4 year old boy has enough sense to go and salam any uncle or aunty he sees. But, I guess your uncle and aunties are some evil monsters that you have to avoid because of immature conflicts that has got nothing to do with you yet you choose to be involved in it. And because of that, you don't feel the need to waste your precious time to even acknowledge elders who are there. So your actions and rude ways are supposed to be deemed as justifiable to other people? Cheers to how much you have grown physically and mentally after your puberty. In other words, cheers to the maturity of your mind yea?

Sad to say, human beings talk. They always do. They observe other human beings and they talk. They talk about anything, positive and negative. However you carry yourself in this world, people will talk. You're supposed to think of this yourself, but if people around you has always been saying you're in the right and others are in the wrong, then I'm sorry for you. You will never learn. I don't like how some of the elderly I know think and behave, but that doesn't give me the excuse to ignore their presence and not even acknowledge them. Alhamdullilah, I have wonderful parents who taught me that.
However you detest someone who is related to you, respect should always be there. Especially towards the elders. Seriously. If you start thinking about it, nothing negative that goes on between the elders realy affects the younger generation, you just choose to follow your reckless emotions and think that you're being mature and supportive towards your side by acting like an idiot.
But if you live in your own immature world where you're right and everyone else who isn't on your side is wrong, then try staying happy and prospering in life that way. Let's see how far all of you can go by making elders sad and disappointed by the way you treat them.

You got that something that keeps me so off balance.

2011-01-30T08:05:00.000-08:00

Rainy saturday.Rainy sunday. Rainy monday? You think?

Chalet was boring with ridiculously dressed up people around. Why didn't she wear something elegant and more suitable for a party than a "too many ruffles" top and black blazer with 6 inch heels and high waisted jeans that she didn't even show. Why emphasise your round face by covering your neck and putting the spotlight on your ruffles making you look so breathless and tortured. People asked me if she was wearing two corsets. I don't even notice these things. -_- And why do they ask me why they wear what they wore? How the heck would I know..I've never known,even after all these years. And why stare at me and show me your face and attitude when I didn't even bother dressing up, just wearing what was sensible for the venue and the weather. And why did I have to even see them, especially that ex of yours?
I can't be bothered just because he's some big person outside ok. I'm very happy with my own life without his "rich and secure" presence around.thank you. :)
I guess I wasted a precious weekend. Bah. :S

And Sunday just rained by. yea, its already Monday morning.
Back to, Good morning teacher Narah. Good morning teacher princess.

Monday blues.
Maybe the arrival of my custom made king size macam paham bed would make the days pass faster. ;)
Looking forward baby.
Goodnights.

2011-01-28T06:14:00.000-08:00

I really don't know what or how to feel anymore. Everytime I think of it, I get irritated, I get angry, I get defensive and I act hastily.
Forget it, I'm not bothered to even type out because I don't even want to think about it.
Bottom line, I really don't know how I'm supposed to feel. Maybe because I'm tired now.

I'm not looking forward to going out tmr. I feel like sleeping the whole day in. If people don't have time for others who make the effort to do things for them on their special day, why should other people bother to even set aside time to spend time with you? You prioritise friends or your girlfriend/s over more important people, then I don't even wish to make the effort to set aside time in my schedule to hang out together. Seriously.
And why do I even bother typing all this out, it all sounds so confusing. Fuck.

Show me. Just show me. That's all I need now. I need to know. I need to see it for myself. Because what I'm seeing now isn't giving me the right signs. It just makes me feel like dusting everything away.

& the ex said to me, I don't want to see you with another guy. -_-
Ok sure, I'll introduce you to my lesbian partner soon whenever we're free to meet ayts.

2011-01-27T08:38:00.001-08:00

I want a hug. Like one of those pick-me-up-off-my-feet-squeeze-me-tight-hurts-my-tummy-but-makes-me-smile-leaves-me-breathless-gives-me-so-many-butterflies-it-makes-me-laugh-kind of hug.

Come on, show them what you're worth~

2011-01-27T07:44:00.000-08:00

First assessment. :S
Trying to look at all the negativity through a positive point of view.
I'm slowly analysing everything said and observed for ze lesson.
Alhamdullilah, passed though.
Was just really really put down by the negative comments.
But as usual, parents cheered me up. I want my children to have a father like my father. They'd be tough nuts to crack. I love them.
I'm just looking forward to slacking and slacking and sleeping this weekend. Starting on 2nd assessment prep next week on. Annnnd, we have the hols starting from Wednesday. :D :D :D
I counted out of curiosity, we have 28 days more to go through. It seems so short, in 28 days, I'll have to go through two more assessments, do a week of opening, a week of closing, make/get 3 other learning resources,plan 2 other lesson plans,take photos and compile the portfolio. Seems a lot. It is a lot right?
And thennnn we'll be back in school :)

Oh,thanks for being there when I needed someone to talk to,complain and share my unhappiness with. I just needed a listening ear. I appreciate the absence and understand your busy and tiring schedule. Hope facebook doesn't take too much of your time like I do.

Looking forward to meeting mates tmr. Time for some hugssssssss. :D

Goodnight~

I just wanna run into your arms right about now, yes, at this very moment.

2011-01-24T08:17:00.001-08:00

Having second doubts about my lesson plan only at this moment. Im nuts.
I wish I had school people who've been through the exact same things as me to discuss it with instead of people who have had degrees in other countries trying to make me see reason behind their explanations. But still, better than nothing.
Urgh, just gonna go with ze gut feeling. And maybe a lil advice here and there.

You know how sometimes, you know you've done someone wrong, maybe by your actions, or how you spoke to the person etc. And you know you should do something about it at that moment to rectify everything and try to redeem yourself. And you know how sometimes, you just don't feel like dealing with it at that moment and choose to procrastinate and wait till the next day or maybe next hour to do anything about it.
I understand how it feels but I don't see myself doing that. Maybe not yet. Maybe I haven't been in that situation before, or maybe I have and I think whatever I'm doing is right because I choose to procrastinate for a good reason.At least that's what I think.
Does the person affected play a part in you procrastinating before rectifying your mistake?
Or does the severity of your actions weigh more?

But however you look at it, if you're at the receiving end, an apology from the person would without a doubt soften your heart, just a little. Maybe not to the extend where you can start talking and sharing and making up, but it just affects your following reaction AFTER the apology..right?
Good thing or bad? I can't decide. But it has its pros and cons.

Being so skeptical, I have the tendency to not give in to much in case anything like that happens again. Basic human nature, you'd obviously be wary of your actions, your limitations with that person, how much you can give,how much you can take and all that. But to think through every single thing you say and do is torturous. It can get sucky. I should just be myself right?
Right.

I'm done with thinking for the day. Just in time for bed.
Goodnight. :)

Let's go, kitty cat.

2011-01-23T04:43:00.000-08:00

Ranted everything out to sis earlier and I feel so much better. At least now I know its not me being egoistic or expecting too much. All these things I'm irked about it the basics. If even this has to be asked, then there is definitely something wrong here. I shouldn't be wasting my energy thinking about this and feeling anything. If you can be that insensitive, I can be worse. Sometimes, listening to other people and thinking and correcting the negative chracteristics in yourself can allow people around you to take advantage of you. I'm not naturally nice and I don't only have you that I can count on. I'm a lucky girl surrounded by people who loves and cares. I have fabulous friends and families I can count on and whom I'd be more willing to spend time on. Don't let the egoistic side come out too often, it wouldn't be peaches and honey after that.

We used to talk for hours,until the night was through. But recently your ego,is going through the roof. You're too comfortable. You think because you bagged me, you don't have to work at all.You underestimated. Simple.

2011-01-20T07:58:00.000-08:00

Almost had a breakdown.
My presence there shouldn't be affecting anyone, not any of you. I'm just the fucking temp. I'm not even a temp, I'm just an observer and assistant.
Getting used to my presence would only make it sucky for you in the end because I'm not coming back even if I had the chance to, most probably.
Urgh. Thank you TC. You're the only one who realllllly understands. I feel like you're some godmother or smtn. Seriously.

And I have a feeling, all this midnight snacks of mine is affecting my body. :S

Goodnight.

I whipped my hair. Yes, I did whip my hair.

2011-01-15T08:54:00.000-08:00

I miss my friends.
All of them from wherever.
Baah.

And I miss doing work with the three of them. All the songs, the laughters,the food, the lameness, the bimboness.

Can't wait for 9th of March.
Let's do it people, we've survived the first week.
I barely survived cos I'm down with a horrible flu now.

A ghra. A ghmain.

No goodnights.

2011-01-13T08:57:00.001-08:00

Love pushing his buttons.

I want the bed now.

Goodnight :)

2011-01-11T08:11:00.000-08:00

Did that incident really just happen?
It feels so unreal and so unpredictable and so shocking.
But it has already happened. And I'm glad it did. :)

Update more on attachment soon.
Goodnights.

I really wanna see if you can go downtown with a girl like me.

2011-01-08T06:17:00.000-08:00

Finally done everything I think is necessary before going for attachment. Just doing that for two days already can make me go urrrrrrgggggggggh. How to survive 2 months? And I already have sinus attacks here and there. What would happen once I dig out all the appropriate attires for attachment that is buried deep deep deep in my closet?

Mati uh.

Looking forward to relaxing the last remaining day I have left and gathering everything together for ze first impression. Hopefully all goes well. Insyallah.

Early start tomorrow and I still don't know if I should include you in my plans or just plan my day without you in it. You're just surprising like that and everytime I get angry with you over these kinda things, you just have that way to appease everything and that calm vibe. Pakai jampi eh. haha.

Anyways,if this is how you want things to be, so be it. Just know that things won't turn out exactly how you want it to be all the time. Let's see starting next week how you're going to continue this. :)

My phone miraculously has survived its poor drowning session the other day. The touch screen can work already :) Alhamdullilah. I hope it stays that way. I love you phone. I really do even though you don't have the snake game. Heh.

I think I'll have an early night. See, I'm already excluding you. Bah.

Toodles.

2011-01-04T23:24:00.000-08:00

Few days to attachment and I am trying my best to laze around and have an unproductive week. :)
Its irritating how I'm falling everytime I go and skate lately. :(
Just had another fall yesterday and though it wasn't as bad as the 'slope' fall, it hurts. haha.
Still does.

Probably gonna have a lazy day today, lying around and finish whatever prep work required :( If I ever get around to doing it.

And you know how silly horoscopes can sound at times? Especially with couple compatibility and all. I've always thought about it that way, but try looking at it with a more open mind. Surprisingly, sometimes, your strong characteristics really reflects upon your horoscope.

Oh,I don't know. I guess one of my girlfriend's talk about horoscopes and all has been weighing in my head.

How does someone differentiate between the whispers of the heart and the mind? The heart is supposed to be impractical and about fantasies. And the mind is supposed to be practical, realistic and sometimes, harsh.
Then how would you differentiate between the impractical and the practical?
The fantasies and the reality?

I'm still trying to figure it out. Takes time I guess.
Let's see how it goes with you.

Toodles.

Doesn't feel like a new year?

2011-01-01T09:10:00.000-08:00

I'm so full of thoughts right now, I think my mind can explode.

Ok,that may be an exaggeration. But you don't make me think about silly things at this time of the night and expect me to go and sleep.
Ass.
You're manipulating me and I don't know how you do it but you are. I need to get rid of all these frustrations and accusations in my mind.
Look for me like how I was and handle all those questions in your head when you can't find me. :)
Never worked well with compromising. Either I learn slowly, or I just give it up. Don't do this and make me give up on this whole thing altogether. It wouldn't be nice, it wouldn't be fair.
Busy, yes. I get it. I tried to understand, I am understanding it now. But don't give me the impression that you expect me to be free when you are and entertain you with a smiley face and bubbly personality just because you have the time to turn your head in my direction.

On a lighter note, I'm feeling guilty at all the shopping I've done.
Yet I feel good.
I'm very definitely a female & I enjoy it.

Toodles.

Happy New Year :)

2010-12-31T07:38:00.000-08:00

Seems really fast and another year is coming to an end. Graduating next year and I'm so not prepared for whatever that's in store. Hopefully I can scrape through attachment and get there. Please. Take it as a 2011 wish can. :D

And they tell me I shouldn't be so egoistic. But you should know better than to push me when its that time of the month. Yes, I'm your typical girl, I have terrible mood swings and irritating outbursts of emotions. Not forgetting the pain. Treat me well and it will do both of us good.
But I'm just proud of myself for not showng attitude with the careless way you carried yourself. It wasn't giving in or giving you a chance, I just felt appreciative of the effort you took for the day to happen and grateful. Don't count on it the next time ayts.

Oh yea,still trying to figure out that sexy part. -_-

Nevertheless, I'm not going to wait up for you. I'm sure 5 minutes isn't too much to ask for. No intentions to tolerate,I'm not obliged to. I just don't like waiting.Period.

You can only see a man or woman's breeding from the way they behave in a quarrel.

2010-12-26T08:47:00.000-08:00

So subtle and civilised.
I like it and hate it.

I'm not supposed to wait for you. So I won't. :)

I'll run while you try to catch alright.

Life is good I can't complain.

2010-12-21T08:11:00.001-08:00

The moon's been gorgeous this past few nights. And I'm always noticing it whenever I'm around people I cherish.

:)

Looking forward to relaxing with classmates tomorrow. No doubt I'm going to go through the same questions and stress before that. Bah. Gotta get used to it.
Going off to Batam soon. I really hope something good comes out of this because so far, all I'm thinking is that this trip is too sudden, too 'in the middle of nowhere', too 'amidst all my preparations for attachment'. And the company isn't fabulous either. Guess it'll just mostly be me and my camera.

And despite my complaints that you're so undpredictable and annoying and distant and
all that other negative things, the interest you show and the effort you take can just blow all those negativitiy outta my mind. seriously. I'm being wary.
Never found someone who thinks the way I do with the same amount of sarcasm in your words and the same way of scolding people. Maybe I'm not as vulgar, but yea. About the same. And that surprising sexy part that comes out suddenly and so innocently. You won't know what I'm talking about cos I'm still trying to put my words together to describe that situation.
Ok.shut up my face.

Whatever, let's see how it goes.

We're just infatuated ;)

Life is good I can

2010-12-21T08:11:00.000-08:00

If the grass is greener on the other side, the water bill must be higher ;)

2010-12-12T08:20:00.001-08:00

You learn to like someone when you find out what makes them laugh. But you can never truly love someone until you find out what makes them cry.

Interesting?
This has got me thinking.

And this made me literally laugh out loud,

You can't steal anyone from anybody. They were already prepared to leave, you're just the excuse.

Whatever~

If a guy finds reasons to lean in close to you during a conversation even though its not a secret, he likes you.

:O

Goodnight.

This is your wake up call.

2010-12-11T09:32:00.000-08:00

You underestimated the kinda chick I am.
Cos I don't have a problem, in finding someone else.
Maybe if I make you jealous, you'll finally start to wake up.

You're in tune to what I feel. But too bad you're clueless.
I'm focused but I'm losing control.

And maybe I should start to give you a chance.
Let's go.

I know a couple or two dogs who can talk.

2010-12-11T07:01:00.000-08:00

I feel better.
Finally had my alone time. :)
People find it weird that I openly express my need for my 'alone time', But they all know they need it at some point. Besides, I love myself. So naturally, I'd like to spend some quality time with myself. Hee.

Went skating alone and it was so good with the awesome weather. I think I'm really gonna make my money worth this holidays with my skating.

And some issues are really getting on my nerves. How can there be such unappreciative, selfish, self centered and horrible hypocrites like you guys around? No, don't think I'm tryna be smart here by throwing all these beautiful adjectives to describe you guys. Every single word I use really and truly describes you and you and you. Think about it. Bitch.
This is outdated and happened back then, but to think you still have the audacity to continue scolding someone who is elder than you, has a reputable status, responsible and holds a respectable position in the society. And who in the heck do you think you are to criticise her or even talk about her?
I think I heard this coming from you, "You don't know what I went through" You said something like that to feebly defend all the disgusting and low words that you threw to her in your childish and immature anger? Maybe someone should have let you explain yea? Explain all the fucking emotional trauma you went through? Explain how you couldn't get what you want and how fucking frustrating it is to have someone tell you off? Or maybe explain how it should fucking be ok for you to speak rudely to someone else and expect to get away from it?
Damn. Noone gave our dear immature,childish, disgusting and idiotic 20 year old bitch to explain herself.
Think about what you said. Think about what you wrote. This is how your mother raised you? To blame other people's rude behaviour because they do not have a complete family like everyone else has?You must have an awesome mother then. Too bad she has you for her daughter. THINK BITCH.For once, think before you open that trashbox stuck in your face.
If you're physically unattractive, at least try to be beautiful from the inside.

And the last bug on my mind, haiya. I can't even begin to describe how I feel. You really don't matter to me or the rest of us anymore. I can guarantee you that. But if you think that posting statuses on Facebook through your other account that only has your, """"""""CLOSE/TRUE FRIENDS""""""" is going to affect us, then you're really mistaken. No, don't start smiling cos you think that it has affected me and that is why I'm blogging about it. I seriously, swear upon anything, don't give a shit. You wanna know why I'm blogging about you? Hee. Because it amuses me how you try so hard to be bitchy and try to do all these so called 'mean' and 'sarcastic' things online and in reality. Please wake up, you can't be bitchy. You just give off that 'trying too hard' aura. Its a turn off to people who know you well enough. But to satisfy your wonders, I'll tell you this. YES,we are very aware you have 2 facebook accounts. And we also know that....(here comes the hilarious part)
We also know that one facebook account is for people who you don't like whilst the other is not.
Yea, we all laughed at that. :D
I highly doubt the possibility that you have friends who understand or can really accept you for who you are. I doubt the possibility that you have people around you who are "close" to you at the moment who hasn't spoken about you behind your back. I doubt the possibility that you have people around who are "close" to you who will have your back.
So basically, I think, you set up your "close friends" facebook account based on your own insecure assumptions that there are people who really likes you for who you are.
Gee, that's sad.

Then again, you don't really matter so I'm not going to waste so much time on you. You're something like a fly? Not really significant but your presence is always annoyingly there. HaiyaHaiyaHaiya.

Ironically, people I'm referring to here are older than me. Why behave like freaking 12 year olds? I don't know & I don't wanna know.

I wish I wish I can kick you guys away, Far far away.
:)

I just gotta breathe slow.

2010-12-10T06:35:00.000-08:00

I feel so overwhelmed.
I'm going to cry but I can't pinpoint the exact reason as to why I feel like crying.
I just feel unhappy.
I'm not supposed to take it too hard? But isn't that my responsibility?
So do I tell you or do I keep quiet?
Do I just continue scolding and worrying or do I try to put a stop to it once and for all?
Its ridiculous if I think that this is overwhelming. I've yet to come to the real world.
So maybe I should try to look for an alternative. I should. There should be one. Yep.
Insyallah. I'll find a way.

& I've told you before & I'll tell you again,

Don't show me your ego. I already have mine.

Too bad, you can't have the best of both worlds.

2010-12-07T07:31:00.000-08:00

As I had mentioned in Facebook,
"If human beings had the capability to think rationally before making every single decision, we would all be perfect. That's the reason for mistakes & that's where learning takes place."
I've accepted the fact that my mind works in mysterious ways and I came up with this whole phrase above whilst I was walking back from school earlier.
My thoughts must have drifted off to whatever that's happening now and it makes sense. I am learning and I guess I will continuously learn. I am just very appreciative about one thing. How people around me knew/guessed that I was taking the wrong step yet they still let me be. It is better that way because I would never listen if someone had reprimanded me from doing what I did before I did what I did. Maybe I need to fall before I know it will be painful. Nevertheless, thank you for listening.
I don't know what you are trying to show by being this way. It doesn't reflect well on you as an individual or as a member of your own sex. I wonder what came over me the other night. This kinda thing always happens and I've never been able to understand why or how. I just had the feeling that this is it. No more of this, no more close ups, no more disturbing..the list goes on. I don't know for sure if it will be no more. But judging from the way things are now, I want it to be no more because I'm thinking through a very emotional perspective. Just looking at all those things that you've been up to, and how you carry yourself, I cannot decide if I should screw you or hug you. Why? I must think rationally before giving an answer because all I can think of now, is, because, you must be an attention seeking flirt who plays around. This is hurtful and it may or may not be true. Like I said, I will have to think rationally before answering that 'why' question. It may take days, or the answer might just come to me on my way to school.
You want the best of both worlds? Not getting it, never will get it, Life is unfair, be a man and deal with it.
Enough of this.
I'm so looking forward to sleeping at home tmr after school. Yay.

XOXO

2010-12-06T08:10:00.000-08:00

I'd tell you to fuck off now but that would mean, I would have to talk to you. And I don't wish to, as far as I'm concerned.
Bloody hell.

And to think you could conceal everything and act so natural around me. You think I symphatise? If you don't know me well enough, don't try to fucking manipulate me. Yea, I may appear soft and giving, but try your luck. I'm as egoistic as your sex can be and as hard headed as you can be so forget it, don't even dare to try.

Why did I give you a chance, I don't know. I don't regret anything cos if I did, then it'll mean something mattered. Nothing did. So forget it.Forget you.

Go jump down k. Seriously.

I could really use a wish right now.

2010-11-30T06:15:00.000-08:00

Bad morning today because I sensed something.
Some things have changed.
It was expected, sooner or later. But must it really be at this moment?
I don't understand you or your motives. And you seem so smooth in your actions.
It irks me alot how time and again, I fall for the smooth ones. I made a mistake once, do I have to do it again?
Whichever way it is, it is still impossible.
I don't wish to be that girl. I wish to be the girl.

Met them today. I really miss the sec sch environment and the laughters, the annoying of each other, the gossips, the never get old jokes. I miss them.
Maybe there is a reason why we can't turn back time, because if we can, we would not be able to cherish fond memories and miss our past. We would not be able to learn from our mistakes or improve on our actions. That's just it.

Its not easy to be this way, but I made the decisions and I'm going to have to deal with the consequences. Nuff said.
I'll complain, I'll throw bitch fits, I'll grumble and I'll whine.
Hee.I'm a girl after all. :)

Goodnight love.

My first kiss went a lil like this.

2010-11-28T07:50:00.000-08:00

Looking forward to catching up with girls soon. I cant wait cos its been ages. YAY.

And my arms still hurt from fighting in the waters yesterday. Next time go beach, must swim far2 away from people who enjoy throwing other people in the water.

I feel like I'm here for your entertainment.
And I feel like I shouldn't be complaining because I'm fully aware of my actions.
And I hate these random thoughts that just comes in my mind.
And I suddenly feel like I'm going to lose everything I know, everything that I'm familiar with.
Scared.

Black and white.

2010-11-26T07:13:00.000-08:00

I've got it.
Sometimes, you don't confide in people because they will give you their opinion on a situation that seems ridiculous or too far fetched.
Because you think they don't understand whatever that is going on.

But that's only because, sometimes, whatever they say is the truth.
Truth that is in front of you, yet you choose to ignore.
But, thank you. :)

Looking forward to the beach tmr. And abang's tuition. And projs. And research.
No time for movie. Maybe I should give a chance. I don't know.

Goodnight.

If I kissed you, would fireworks fly?

2010-11-25T08:23:00.001-08:00

Ever get the feeling like you want to tell someone something, but you hesitate because you're afraid they will judge you wrongly?
Furthermore, what goes on is only known best between you and the other person. You're the only one who knows why the person behaves that way and how that person really is, which is why you are willing to give exceptions. But you know others would never understand or see the logic behind your actions because they just don't know how it feels.
Sucks.
I shouldn't be feeling disappointed or angry because I'm not supposed to.
I am feeling that way but I know I'm not supposed to. I don't need to confide in anyone to ask if its right or wrong. It is wrong.

If I go away, would you find me?
You wouldn't, would you?
I'll learn to deal with that.

Do something if you want something.
Do nothing if you want everything.

Walking with Dinosaurs ads keeps on appearing infront of me. :(

If we ever meet again.

2010-11-24T09:14:00.000-08:00

Sometimes, you just have to let go and just watch from a far.
See if your child does the right things.
See if your child learns from mistakes or do the same thing.
How else can you understand how much your child has grown, understood and matured over the years?
I know you love me and you're ready to bulldoze any negativity that comes my way,but sometimes, I'd like to do it myself.
I don't wish to be spoilt even though I know I am in some areas.
Give me some space and watch me. I'd take anything from you but not restrictions.
I'm tired.

And what happens if all goes well? I'd be left alone here,expecting too much. I know I shouldn't be having these thoughts. But thoughts are just thoughts. Its nothing without actions. I wish you well.

I wasn't being sarcastic, nor was I being suggestive. I was telling the truth. I had a great time. As long as you choose to surround yourself in self pity, I won't give you a second glance. Self pity is a turn off. You want something, you get it. You don't want something, you don't. Stop looking at the mirror and crying at your reflection. Noone's gonna pity you but yourself. If one day, you change, I'll be happy for you. But if that one day comes, and you wanna show me your ego, I'll show you mine.

A person's happiness is not derived from the situation they are in ; but from the attitude they have.

Goodnights. :)

& you fell hard, on the ground.

2010-11-22T07:40:00.001-08:00

L is for the way you look at me.
0 is for the only one I see.
V is very very, extraodinary.
E is even more than anyone that you adore.

The song is in my head, thanks to sis.
Baaaah.

Class photo makes me feel like I'm leaving school very soon.
And I don't like that feeling. :(

Goodnight <3

I have alot of questions I know you cannot answer.

2010-11-21T07:33:00.000-08:00

Why issit that some people have to face so much of problems and obstacles in their life?
People always say, God gives you tests and hard times because God loves you.
But can this be seen and understood for people who have no faith or a strong hold towards God?
Won't they in return curse and swear because they don't know what to do and who to turn to?
You're the only person I know that I cannot seem to offer a suggestion to. I know we're not close and it gives you more reason to just ignore whatever I say but I don't know why your situations tend to make me think. A lot. Why?
Is it because you are never close to God?
Is it because you have no faith/iman in God?
Is it because you do not live like a Muslim?
Then why isn't there people around you, at least one person, who can change you or show you?
I had a wrong impression of you, I must admit. But when you asked me those questions about Islam and about religious classes...can I keep you and let mommy teach you. :(
I don't have the right vocabulary now to really express how I feel. But you're just so endearing yet too far to be pitied. Yes, you have your own brains to think and maturity to rely on.
I don't know what to say or do. But the very fact that you're even considering instead of just going ahead already gives me that lil bit of hope. Just that lil bit.
I'll save my prayers for you. Rest assured, even though you may not believe it, there is a reason for everything.

You'll never be able to make others happy, if you are not truly happy.

2010-11-20T08:34:00.000-08:00

Never ask for a hug, take it. :)

Patience's running out. This ain't how its sposed to be.
I'm having this dream, I'm sleeping with the enemy.

My pride won't let me dial.

2010-11-20T08:21:00.000-08:00

HBF.

Don't show me your ego. I already have mine.

Its been so long since I felt this low. Just fuck off ok. seriously. Fuck.

Can't even tell anyone about this cos I'll get screwed with that goddamned "told you so" thing.

No, it can't be affecting me like this. I think I'm just tired.

Yep, I'm tired.

Goodnights.

Where are you when I need someone to talk to :(

And I wanna go to that Walking with Dinos thing. Its awesome ok.

Thought we could wait for the fireworks.

2010-11-20T01:19:00.000-08:00

Its not a wonder why you've been stuck in my head for the past few days. I don't understand why its this way but I can't help it.
Why is it that every single thing reminds me of you?
Just looking at that sentence above can make me roll my eyes because it is so cheesy and stupid.
But. Ala. whatever.
I have felt like calling you plenty of times and asking you why the fuck did you have to do that. Do I have that right? I think I do. You promised.
I was thinking yesterday, and I still can't believe it.
I've been used to just shutting everything out. Not bothering to go through the process of getting over you and face all that shit.
So this is what I get. It comes back slowly.
Do you still feel this way? Are you happy already with her? Its been quite some time already. Can I ask you? Would you 'tsk' away in irritation if you see my name appear in your hp tonight? Should I wish you? I will. Even though you didn't.
You're just being dumb and immature.
Heck, another girl isn't the same as me. Can never be. Another girl can be either better than me, or worse than me. Never the same as me. What the hell were you thinking. Its the same for you. Another guy will never be just like you. They're either better, or worse.
And you still need me to tell you this? Seriously.

Why am I being so emotional? Kakak told me to let it go. You've already taken that big step. What can I do. Heck, don't you get it, no matter how you complain to her about it not being the same and how you still miss me, she'll still screw you for making that idiotic decision. And I'll punch you.

I know I am egoistic.
And all I can tell you is, you made that silly mistake, you settle it yourself. In the meantime, don't even think of regrets. You certainly don't have my sympathy for your situation.

And you, thanks for being the perfect distraction.

If you can't be honest with me, then I'm afraid this is the end.

2010-11-18T22:23:00.000-08:00

*boy walks up to girl smiling*

BOY
Roses are red,
Violets are blue,
I think your hot,
And sexy too.

*girl replys while walking away,laughing*

GIRL
Roses are red,
Violets are blue,
How many girls,
Have you said that too?

I got my kiki ;)

2010-11-17T08:48:00.000-08:00

When something bad/good happens, why do we, as human beings, often think of the reason behind another person's behaviour? Why won't we ever think of our own actions and consequences before thinking, "Why is he/she behaving that way towards me?"
Whatever that took place earlier gave me plenty of time to think about all these. Yes, I was thinking at first, why is so and so giving me the cold shoulder/ not talking to me etc. Then my mind went down the lil memory lane and I realised, some people are still not over minor arguments that occured so long ago. People who are older than me in age always disappoint me because I have the misconception that they are more matured than the way they act.
Hari Raya Haji. Forgive and forget. Don't hold grudges because of miscommunications and whatnot.
I don't lose anything by not talking to you when I see you. It was that way, you're the one seeking my attention. ;)
Can't be bothered by immaturity.
And don't blame me if I'm sarcastic. I'm Indian. We're just like that. ;)

Goodnights.
School tmr :(

If you could only see, your heart belongs to me.

2010-11-16T23:12:00.000-08:00

Do I really need this?
Do I need glue on my fingertips with felt stuck on it, on Hari Raya Haji?
:(

Oh, and I'm so bored sticking things together that I can share a fact with you.
The Contact Cement glue is only useful for glue sniffers. Hopeless in sticking felt to cardboard. And I'm irritated. Cos I got fooled by the name, contact cement.
haha.

Back to doing up my kit, I wonder how I'm gonna bring it to school on Friday :(
Its. so. big.

And I miss sleep.

Selamat Hari Raya Haji to you.

Jujurlah pada ku, bila kau tak lagi cinta.

2010-11-15T07:11:00.000-08:00

Wonder if I did the right thing.
Tutoring? For him?
And with that comes all the complications of staying over there, listening to her talk about her life, listening to her talk about other people's life, asking me questions about my life, asking me questions about other people's life..and the list goes on.
Do I really want this? Should I?
Baaah.
I just agreed so let's give it a shot. I like doing things like this even though I know how the outcome would be like, especially when it comes to her. But I never learn:)

Loving the Guess purse she bought me. And there she went again with it being the latest edition and all. Oooooooook. I get it. You're cool. -__-

Hari Raya Haji came at the wrong time. The wrong day. How am I supposed to do up my EA learning resource by Friday? Mati uh.

Gdnights.

I'm not easy,you gotta work for me.
If you do the right thing, we could be together.

Feeling fly like a G6.

2010-11-14T06:51:00.000-08:00

If I'm living a normal life, why do I keep on thinking a miracle would happen?
I've just got my head up in the clouds, that's all. :)

And reading the news these past few days have been so depressing. So many people dying here and there.
Gangsters acting like big mfs going around slashing here and there.
These matreps/ah bengs/ indian hooligans (idk what's the proper term) seriously need to get a life. Seriously. You've been insulted by teenagers/adults through videos, songs, blogs and many more unofficial ways I'm sure.
And now, even the press is doing a comparison for you on the newspapers.

What more do you want?
The papers today really slammed them real bad. Comparing gangsters today with gangsters from the past. Hah.

Gangsters from the past fought over turfs. Gangsters tody fight because of staring.
Gangsters from the past had rituals and proper headmen. Gangsters today no rituals just join because of lame reasons like peer pressure, no love from parents, nothing to do at home. -_-
Gangsters from the past fought over the collection of protection money from their area. Gangsters today can just fight because of girls.

Fighting over girls, fighting over staring incidents, fighting because one group has more members than the other at that particular time. Seriously guys. Get a life.

I don't care if anyone reading this gets offended because you're in a gang or you know people dear to you whose in a gang. If you're in a gang, it doesn't give you the leeway or any rights to go around slashing people or killing them just because they're from a different gang or because they stared at you. We're all human beings, we all have the rights to live. Just because you're in some supposedly "fierce" gang, it doesn't mean you're special or I should be fearing you.

Please grow up. I know some of you are decades older than teens, but your maturity is just the opposite. As much as I detest gangs, I can proudly say I have more respect for the gangsters from my parents era as compared to the disgusting gangsters you see now.

My mind is cleared. I'm still irritated though.

Time and again, I fall for your sweet words and concern. Then I remember, you must be saying that to a few other girls and they'll be feeling the same way as I did. So, I ignore you. :)

The trouble with life is, there's no background music.

2010-11-12T04:52:00.000-08:00

When given a choice between good or bad, right or wrong, why is it that the negative ones appear more tempting and harder to resist?
Is it the way the world works? Or is it simply God's way of testing us?

The bad/negative choice seems so tempting, readily available whenever you want it to be.

The good/postive choice is harder to reach and attain.

Noone can answer this yea?

Goodnight.

Smile. Is the second best thing you can do with your lips ;)

Someone told me I should take, caution when it comes to this.I tried.

2010-11-11T06:50:00.000-08:00

Not looking forward to floorball tomorrow.
Especially when I tend to express my words in my high pitch voice whenever the ball comes near me.
People are gonna hate me.
Tee hee.

I'm very definitely a woman & I enjoy it. -Sucker for compliments.

If you can't handle me at my worst, then you sure as hell don't deserve me at my best.

2010-11-11T06:39:00.001-08:00

Why must there always be an unfortunate twist when things are going so smoothly?
Is it God's way of testing us? Or is it a way for humans to judge us?
Our decisions and actions often leaves more than enough for people to judge.
I'm a human being. Not a robot.
I am strong headed and I let my head rule my heart. But that won't be the case all the time.
I've tried putting myself in your shoes, and I try as much to feel how you'd feel like.
Its not a nice feeling. :(
I hate this.
Then again, my intentions are clear. I don't wish for anything bad or undesirable to happen.
But if nature decides to make me the bad one, what can I do?
:(

I'll just take it one step at a time and let it fall in place.
If its meant to be, it will be. If its not, I'll just walk away.
Thank you.
Let's try not to fall in so deep.
You've got me tripping.

Toodles.
Good night :)

2010-11-09T07:30:00.000-08:00

You took the chance & made other plans.
You don't have to tell me what you did,
I already know. They've told me.
Now there's just no chance.
All of these things people told me, keep messing with my head.

The damage is done, so I guess I'll be leaving.

A perfection of means and confusion of aims, seems to be our main problem.

2010-11-09T01:20:00.001-08:00

And the award for the best liar goes to you.

Stuck at home. Sick with fever and its friends. :(
I swear period and illnesses never go well together. Baaaah.

I wanna go out and skateeee. Its been so long.
Haiyahaiyahaiya.

On another note, I'm really in a confused state of mind.
I'm not perfect, I can't think rationally all the time right.
Its like, my head says something but my heart says a totally different thing. Then how?
Mati sudah.
Haha.
Havent eaten lunch or anything. Just a cup of coffee. Even drinking plain water makes me feel like puking. Yuck.
Wonder where this virus came from. Urgh.

And as I've mentioned, there's too many things running in my head.
What the heck is wrong here.
I've just noticed how immature and shallow you were all this while. And you're older than me, apparently.
Wtf. So I was just there as a trophy for you to show your friends you've succeeded. Thanks. I'm very honoured.
-_-

Enough bout that. Shall not waste my time on this.

Focusing on the more important things in life,
Did fairly well for both math and english resources.
Prep for attachment? I'm so not ready.
Wonder if I'll ever be.

Dad got me a new hp for birthday. :D:D
I like the colour! Too bad the previous camera was spoilt, else it would have matched my handphone. Tee hee.

And and, I hope can meet besties soon if there's nothing going on. I really miss them.

Oh yea, thanks to everyone for making my birthday an awesome one. I really appreciate it. Friends & families. <3

That's it. Hope my virus flies away to someone else. Hee.

Toodles.

2010-11-04T10:52:00.001-07:00

Thanks for wishing you.

Alalala. tendang kan, -_-

2010-10-25T09:55:00.000-07:00

How is it possible that my jerk of an elder brother who annoys and finds new ways to annoy the heck out of me can look so innocent and adorable curled up sleeping soundly?

And how is it possible that myself, the sweet and innocent youngest sister of his can have the urge to find a way to annoy him at that moment?

Ahh. The ironies of life.
Teehee.

NO. I DIDN'T DISTURB HIM WHEN HE WAS SLEEPING. NOT THAT HEARTLESS.
pfft.

2010-10-22T08:04:00.000-07:00

Oh, don't misunderstand how I'm feeling.
I've tried, still I don't know why.
It's been too long pretending,
There's no use in trying
When the pieces don't fit anymore.

I'll cry my eyes out. Maybe then, I'll forget everything.

2010-10-15T07:53:00.000-07:00

Hates that awkward feeling when you go to look at someone's profile because you like them alot,but you feel like a stalker.Then your heart flutters and you smile to yourself wondering, does he look at my stuff?

:)

Of course not-_-

Urgggggh.

2010-10-07T08:25:00.000-07:00

Different treatment for different people.

What the fuck are you teaching me?

Don't ask me what's wrong and am I angry or sad.

You fucking know. Why ask? To gossip tomorrow?

Fuck.

And everything would have been fucking peaches and roses if it was that lady right. Not this lady. Nooo. Just because you don't like her, we can't too.

Fuck. Adults.

Pissed

and I'm waiting for you to come and cheer me up with your lame jokes.
Hurry up would ya.

I wonder how far I can kick this midget.

2010-10-01T09:28:00.000-07:00

Why am I always unavailable whenever things like these happen?!
I swear I would have screwed that lil girl so hard, she wouldn't want to hang out with us anymore.
Maybe she would learn to make new friends, or better still, sit under the protective wings of her mother.

Whatever fucking right do you think you had to insult any of my friends or criticize people as you wish?

Think you're perfect? Think again. You have insecurities as well. You're short. You're fat, OH YES YOU ARE HONEY. You don't have a boyfriend because guess what, EVEN GUYS CAN'T LIKE YOU FOR LONG ENOUGH.

You know, sooner or later, you'll realise that looks ain't everything. No, I'm not saying you have the looks, you're just what people would call, photogenic. I know I'm being bitchy but I also know its true.

Don't think that just because people SYMPHATISE with you and bring you out, you have the authority to boss people around or even fucking insult any of them. You're just another lonely and spoilt bitch they were pitying. Truth hurts but you were never part of the plan. You were just an excuse for being nice.
Lain kali, ikut mummy and daddy kau gi jalan2 eh. Dah takde kawan masih nak mp. sheesh.

After all these years, you still havent changed abit. Someone needs to teach you a lesson, and I really hope it'll be me.

I also hope, you'll read this and get so infuriated, you'll call your mummy down to scold me. :) Yay.

Ze black and white of life.

2010-09-30T23:00:00.000-07:00

She asked me, why haven't you deactivated your friendster account since you're not using it anymore.
I wondered why, so I logged in earlier.

Then I realised the reason why.

There's just too many memories there.

I'm such a sucker for this but friendster shall stay, it'll just be ignored.

:)

Sweeel wheels heels.

2010-09-20T08:10:00.000-07:00

Tired after skating session earlier.
After all the falls and the speed and the laughters and the screams,
I just wanna close my eyes and drift away.
:D

BTW, you guys are just fucking mean.Bah.
Tak sukeeee.
Go jump down.
I'm not kental, you are, if you thought I had fallen for that lame trick. -_-

Something about you.

2010-09-18T09:53:00.000-07:00

I think I'll hire Cupid,
to make you see
that I'm more than just a stranger to you.
Cos there's something in your eyes
something in your shy smiles
something in the way you look at me.

<3
CM.

You'll never change. I know that so why bother giving you a chance?

2010-09-16T10:52:00.000-07:00

This is the ultimate lowest you can go.
Seriously.
I can't fucking believe my ears.
Taking advantage of someone whom you know is so naive.
Lowest form of flirt.
I still can't believe it.
Don't come complaining to me when that road rat gives you problems.
In a funny way, I pity them.

Shit. I still can't believe you'd stoop so low.
You disgust the heck out of me with that fake gigglings and naik bulu roma voice.

bleargh.

I miss my friends.

2010-09-14T09:45:00.000-07:00

Can you just go away?

I do not wish to have anything to do with you.

Go drown in your own life with your partner can? I don't want to be the next person you are so interested to know about even after I get attached to someone else. (if that ever happens)

And to the others, stop fucking making assumptions like you know what's happening and what I'm going through. If I needed cliche' advises, I'll inform you.

Sometimes, everything will not be alright.

Maybe I'll have to learn to accept it and stop getting disappointed everytime it happens again. How long more right?

Goodnight.

Selamat? Hari Raya ppl.

2010-09-12T09:47:00.001-07:00

Lack of proper vocabulary ahead.

Personally, this year, Raya just sucks big big time.
I'm dreading it next year.
Couldn't really feel the mood much less be happy for it.
I don't understand why adults behave in such a way.
Everything is just fucking superficial and fake.
EVERYTHING.
Moneyfuckingmoney.
I'm sick of all the fucking arguments, the fucking cold shoulders, and that goddamned getting back at each other thing going on.
Noone ever fucking realises who the hell gets affected by their actions.
I am very affected, all of us are.
But as adults, they just go on like they've always had.

Bloody hell.
I'm tired of crying but it just plain sucks.

This time round, noone can see anything other than a smile and lame jokes on me.
Unless, there is one who can really understand me. They'll know for sure.
Haish.
And with exams coming up,
I'm fucked.

Your eyes make me shy.

2010-08-15T06:06:00.000-07:00

Supposedly, according to my own schedule that I've conjured in my head,I have to study now.
:D

I will soon enough. Send my advanced greetings to Excel and PR and LE.

And you know, everyone makes mistakes right? But not everyone learns from it. I had the silly misconception that everyone analyzes and thinks about probelms as deeply as I do. If something unfair happens, someone treats me coldly, there is an unexpected reaction from a situation or just basically anything negative, I think about it alot. And I mean alot. I analyze every single crook and go over it again and again. I ask questions to people who may be biased or neutral about the situation, I ask questions to myself, I screw myself, I praise myself. And then sooner or later, I'll reach an answer according to my own judgements and my own thinking. I try to be as fair as possible, though it is hard because I'm only human. I have an armor of defense just like everyone else. And if its my mistake, as much as possible, it will be locked into my memory to try not to commit the same thing again. So when I'm confronted with the same situation, I get that goosebumps and try my best to avoid any negativity.
Then again, it does not only happen when I'm confronted with the same situation, it happens when I sense the same situation brewing. Human beings have the sixth sense right?

So, my mistake was that I assumed human beings work that way. But I couldn't be more wrong. For one, I think some people will never learn.

And I presume this is because they are too wrapped up in their own self pity and spend all their time comforting themselves, that they fail to realise the reason for an ugly thing to happen. Yet, they still have the cheek to wonder why? The only difference in their question is, they wonder, "Why must all these bad things happen to my life?"

My other theory I've came up with in my mind is that, some people are too self centered that they think whatever they are doing and whatever they believe in is the right thing. They do not have the time to listen to other perspectives or quite frankly, they don't even want to. So, if other opinions are brought to surface, they counter it so harshly without thinking that these can bring about an ugly scene.
Yet, they still have the cheek to wonder why. And their question goes like, " I don't understand what is his/her problem? He/She does not make sense at all. They don't want to listen."

I know there are a lot more classifications, and honestly, I have yet to learn where I belong to. I don't need anyone to tell me where I belong to. I don't need anyone to tell me why they think I belong here or there. Because, my mind is made up in such a way whereby I'll listen to you, but I won't agree with you unless I learn it for myself.

I was reading a book from Daddy's Ebook earlier and I came across this phrase that I found very logical yet we fail to abide by it.

"Thinking you are right but knowing you may be wrong gives the opportunity to retain what you have but are still open to improve,correct or expand on it."

Makes a lot of sense to me. Anyhoos, its about time I do something.
Toodles.

Everytime I look at you, I get a fierce desire to be lonesome.

Never give up your dreams for someone who isn't willing to give up anything for you.

2010-08-14T06:52:00.000-07:00

Bacon is bacon.
Eggs are eggs.
Don't let them boys,
Between your legs.
They say you're cute,
They say you're fine.
9 months later,
They say,
"It ain't mine."

The whole upcoming week seems packed with school related activities. And this is supposed to be the break I was looking forward to? I am just very blessed to have friends I am super comfortable and love working/hanging out with. Or else, going back to school would be a dread. I'm thinking its a good thing I do not have a boyfriend because I'm so caught up with school and what not. And I thought it was a good thing I didn't have a boyfriend when I was working.
But sometimes, when I've relaxed enough at home, I think, it would be nice to have someone.
But that thought is often short lived because I am so lazy to go through the whole process again, plus, why should I care for this kinda thoughts that only haunt me at night or when I have nothing to do,right?
Right.
:)
On the other hand, flirting is more fun and you get to choose who you want to talk to.
Right.

ANDAND, Alhamdullilah, I've managed to fast so far and curb that bad habit.
God will guide me through,Insyallah.

Yes,you caught me looking at you but that just means you were looking back!

Happy Ramadan to you:D

2010-08-11T08:34:00.000-07:00

Firstly, Happy fasting to you.
Secondly, I'm so proud of myself. I managed to fast the whole of today. I came to accept the fact that temptations to drink water and whatnot is coming from within me, not from Setan itself. I know its so late but I've always known this, I just didn't want to accept it before.

Thirdly, I don't know why I feel so blissful. I guess its the break from those crazy ass assignments.

And I've been seeing the pair of sexygorgeoushothotheat heels almost everyday after school thanks to friends who seem to enter Charles and Keith almost everyday. And I feel so depressed cos I can't get them YET but I feel happy when I see them.
I think I'm weird..or maybe I'm just being a girl, if any other girl can actually understand what I'm trying to say here. Oh yea,plus those delicious feather Diva earrings.

ok,da. Enough.
Selamat sahur to you.

Toodles.

Can I order another weekend please?

2010-08-08T06:56:00.000-07:00

Finally. I get to spend some time with dearest sleep without alarms waking me up :)

Learning Corner is finally completed. Soooooo much of time and effort, it would have made sense if we had camped in school instead of spending about 6 hours sleeping at home before rushing to school again -_-
Rumah da macam hotel.
And the thing I'm so curious about is the way things went about. Its like, everyone is so defensive and argumentative when we first started the assignment, always looking out for out faults, hating for no reason. And when its over, suddenly we're all best friends again. Such ugly characteristics. I don't wish to see some of you in that light but for the rest, its so apparent, it disgusts me. Blech.
If you wish for good results, put in the effort. Don't hate and ostracise people who often get good results due to their efforts. A person's behaviour and their attitude towards life is two seperate things. Learn to identify the difference and respect the good qualities of another human being, not hate them. You get stressed at the last minute then screw people who have been conscientiously working on their part. Attitude much?

Daddy asked me to quit work cos I don't have time to rest and I'm like, ok. Don't wish to argue anyways. I NEED the rest. I can't wait to not do anything tomorrow :D Hope there's pizza too.

That would be the day, when I play soccer. XD Photoshoot.

Man United eh. Abang will be proud!

There might have been a time,
When I would give myself away,
Once upon a time I didn't give a damn.
But now, here we are so whataya want from me?
Whataya want from me?

Wish you well.

Toodles.

2010-07-27T06:36:00.000-07:00

Sad.
I think I've said this before but I'll say it again,
Human beings are so dark and depressing.

They can either light up other human being's lives or they can hurt them emotionally,mentally or physically in a split second.
I make my own judgements on the type of person I think you are.
Cannot seem to bring myself to be a hypocrite.
I'll talk to you if I think you're worth talking to because what's the point when you'll only make me feel and look silly?
Pfft.

On the other hand, I saw you searching for me earlier.
Gleeful :D

2010-07-16T07:32:00.000-07:00

Tarot Reading:
Eight of Cups
Mishaps and setbacks will test the strength of your union with someone. You may need time away from this person in order to evaluate what is really being felt on both your parts.

I see a friend who may have become a lover staying strictly as friends with you. There will definitely be some disappointment in a relationship you have- but down the road there will be someone or something much better.

That friend part is so sad. And somewhat true.

It's not what you're thinking, its about you if you'll ever read this.

Are you blind? Our feelings are mutual you idiot.

2010-07-16T05:38:00.000-07:00

Top 10 Reasons Why I'm A Scorpio

10. Oh so mysterious.
9. My Motto: Leave Me Alone.
8. Love that power.
7. Such a deep thinker.
6. Getting on the Depression Express.
5. Rebel.
4. Want what I cannot have.
3. Fear nothing.
2. Such a sharp tongue.
1. Born under the sign of a Scorpion. Duh~

First impression counts. As much as you detest someone at the first sight, eventually, you realise they are just like normal human beings, just prettier on the outside but uglier that the rest on the inside.

Seriously baby, walk the walk and talk the talk like you mean it.

2010-07-12T06:55:00.000-07:00

You know what reallllllly bugs me?
How someone aims to reach for the stars but cannot be bothered to cement a foundation for themselves to start with.
I'm sorry, but I cannot be too much of a hypocrite. If I do not like something, I would knowingly and unknowingly show it.
If you do not get it, then nevermind:)
Do not just let hot air come out of your mouth, let it materialise into something.
Typical ************ attitude.
-_-

Andddd, I'm contemplating on whether or not I should join them girls for the Taiwan trip. haha. Should be helluva fun to go together.

And I just watched some STOMP videos on youtube, they freaking ruleeeeeee. Super duper cool the way they seem to have the rhythm in them and how it can affect literally anything they touch, trash cans? Brooms? Pails? I'm in AWE. & I know its belated. :D :D

Lately, I tend to find myself in my own world in the middle of conversations amongst my friends. And I wonder why when they ask me why I'm so quiet. I seem to have a lot to think about yet nothing to tell them when they ask me what is on my mind. Asal? I have no idea. :S Tolon saye. Help.

I can't wait to start saving up for car license so that I can apply for it the moment I turn 18. But after the discussion about backpacking to KL earlier, I'm so bloody tempted to go, but I need th money for license. I can split it up but that will leave me little for shopping randomly in Singapore itself. HAHA. We'll see how it goes ;)
But the bottom line: I can't wait to see the KL trip actually materialise. Its gonna be truckloads of rocking fun!

Good bye to going home early starting from tmr :(

Gnites babies.

2010-07-11T08:44:00.000-07:00

You're going too far but why argue when you'll just feebly attempt to reason things out with your nonsensical logic?
Heck. Why do I even care?
Oh yes. I was your friend.

Its not cool and you're obviously trying to seek attention by doing this. I don't think so, I know so.

No softie, this ain't about you. I'm just typing out lines and lines of my opinions on current events going on in my life. Don't feel the need to bitch slap me because I know you've become too soft to do it. Oh and because you have a whole lot of ignorant people supporting you because they find you a joke to your own sex.
Tsk.

Not angry. Very disappointed.

On a lighter note, can't wait to get back to school and get the week over with so that I can berPESTA at chalet.
:D

Lovely. Its not even Monday and I'm already thinking about the upcoming weekend. Typical Narah~

Gnites babies.

Zeet izs Over!

2010-07-09T08:33:00.001-07:00

Baik uh. 3D Art is over and done with. Can flick it off my heavy shoulders. And the pictures for submission:

Indian Dancer (Body Art)

Peacock Dance (Ranggoli)

Rain Dance (Paper Mosaic)

Tribal Mask (Paper Mache')

Mezcla Elegante (Clay Sculpture)

Fan Dance (String Art)

Balinese Dancer (Mask)

And starting next week, its back to staying back after school to complete projects. I won't be able to see the day light by the time I come out from school, that might be a huge possibility. Sedihnye.
Its ok. I'll just go WOW at the beautiful sunsets then:)

I wanna meet a guy who can keep my attention. I wanna meet a guy who keeps me coming back. I wanna meet a guy who's cool about everything. I wanna meet a guy who can talk about interesting facts of life and joke at the same time. I wanna meet a guy who's main purpose in life does not involve getting under my shirt. I wanna meet a guy who has his priorities sorted out. I wanna meet a guy who will not obsess over me. I wanna meet a guy who wears cologne that will make me go weak. I wanna meet a guy who cares enough to buy my wants but knows where to draw the line. I wanna meet a guy who can talk about a pretty girl in front of me yet knows his limits. I wanna meet a guy who wil be content to just walk beside me in silence. I wanna meet a guy who can handle himself and his life. I wanna meet a guy who does not always expect my sympathy if something bad happens. I wanna meet a guy who has dreams. I wanna meet a guy who...
Wait.
Will I ever?

Let's have a one night stand. Or you can sit if you want.

2010-07-05T10:33:00.001-07:00

I desperately need to take a step back, breathe and think for myself.
Its no longer about what I've heard which are most of the time the opinion of others.
Its no longer about moving around and changing the environment.
Its no longer about having the guts to stand up to people.
Its not what you or you or even YOU think it is.
I saw that look on your face just now.
Its a man eat man world. Ugly truth, its about time you swallow it.
I hate doing or saying this but hey, REALITY CHECK dok.
Our working styles are worlds apart yet you still choose to accuse me of being narrow minded.
Its ok. I really do not want to bother :) Seriously. I'm already feeling depressed for god knows what reason so I do not need to waste my time contemplating on whether I have made the right decision just because you gave me "the look."
Bleah.

They ask me, "Are you ok?"
I answer, "Yaaa.I am la." (insert smiles)
Inside, I really don't know what's going on. I just feel so..down.

2010-06-24T12:08:00.000-07:00

I get goosebumps when I think of b-g relationships.

Or maybe its just the weather.

:S

I feel like a zit.

2010-06-24T11:06:00.000-07:00

This is so strange.
Would everyone go through it at some point of their life?
Some earlier than others?
I see you taking the same steps,going through the same whirlwind of emotions as I did.
Can I stop you? Can I wake you up from what you think is something that is inevitable?
Doubt it. You don't even open up to me.
Sheesh.
But I can see it.COming slowly.
Please don't do what I did.
I'm not cross referencing or anything,but this is what commonly happens.
Argue with me and say that yours might be special. Prove your point and I'll be at ease. Seriously.

And I'm so not looking forward to gathering tmr. See all the faces that don't like seeing mine. Haha. This will be fun.

Nah,on 2nd thought, this is gonna be dreary.

And what about TAC?

I think I'll have to ground myself.

Secretconfession: This period of time, I feel ugly and because of that,I think I look ugly. Not to mention I just noticed I lost weight. Like I needed to lose weight. Reinforce my negative thoughts. I just feel urghhhh. Issit cos of my period?

I FREAKING HOPE SO.

Daddy's asking me to drink full cream milk every night.But he's doesn't buy it after I'm done with one bottle. Mum made me finish a whole plate of chees fries after I ate spring chicken and char kway. But I can't help it. I eat. Slowly,yes. But I still eat. Its my high metabolism rate. Don't blame me. I don't rush to the toilet after a meal and stick my fingers down my throat. Ew. And I certainly don't watch what I eat and count the calories of every single thing I put in my mouth. The only thing that seems to seperate me from people I know is that, I only eat when I'm very hungry. I don't eat when I don't have the appetite. I don't eat if I'm already full. That's it. Normal right.
Haiya.

Whatever it is, I guess, what may seem like a blessing to people might be a curse to others.

Just 2kgs?

:D

Hurt.You're making me feel all choked up.

2010-06-23T07:19:00.000-07:00

When you swear its all my fault
Cause you know we're not the same.
The friends who stuck together,
We wrote our names in blood.,

But I guess you can't accept that,
People Change.
You treat me just like another stranger
Well its nice to meet you dear,
I guess I'll go
I best be on my way out.

Ignorance is your new best friend.

No matter what you do and say
No matter how you act,
No matter what you plan,
I know its not gonna be the same.
Anymore.

This sucks.

Images. I never wanna see you unhappy & I thought you'd want the same for me.

2010-06-22T06:25:00.000-07:00

And you accuse me for not trying?
Masya Allah. You give me this weird impression when I make an effort yet you blame me for being too busy if I do not make an effort.
Forget it you. You have just displayed the classic example of what wil happen if we do not tend to our flowers in the summer. They wither and die. I have a feeling that is coming our way. I know it takes two hands to clap but when one hand is reaching out to the other, you should reach out,not pull back.

Your attitude hurts me ok? Do I do this intentionally? Bloody hell.

And I thought we'd last. I thought I could depend on you for all of that.
Am I just being emotional because of my period? Idk. I just know I was taken aback. I had the stupid feeling it would all be the same. But when I turned my head, you've turned yours too. In the other direction. I just know,I'm a lil hurt.
Should I bother? I really do not have any idea.

Coming out your mouth with your BLAH BLAH BLAH~

2010-06-13T10:17:00.000-07:00

I'm being hostile because I have had enough of guys like you who seek a girl's attention by playing the sad role. Insecure and lonely. Looking for someone who can show them love. Looking for someone who will be there for them.
BLAHHBLAHHBLAHHH.

Eh,kalau korang jadi mcm gini, pompuan la yang kene jad jantan dalam relationship. Hal gini sume pandai emotional, tapi kalau marah,tau jugak pekik bantai. Sudahlah~

I don't see a role I can play if I'm with you. Ta~